Not the perfect pandemic parent?

Here in the UK we've now had two weeks of "lock down" and for some of us that might feel like two hundred years. Your social media feed is filled with an increasing death count, number of businesses failing and "fun" activities you can do with your kids it would be understandable to be feeling overwhelmed and anxious and that you're a terrible pandemic parent, worker, teacher, partner, child and citizen. If financial worries and illness are affecting your family, you may be feeling particularly worried about how this is affecting your parenting and children.

Stop.

Take a breath.

I'd like to offer some insights and invite you to consider your choices which might help you to feel calmer. Firstly, this is a difficult situation for everyone, no matter what appears on their Instagram account. Secondly, any challenges that existed within your family before will be magnified because now you are altogether nearly all the time, not distracted by external interests or activities and in a more anxiety provoking situation. I'm saying this not to be negative but to be realistic. For example, if you (as most of us are) were concerned that you weren't the perfect parent before this is now going to be amplified. Also, we're all restricted in our movements and "normal" life is on hold so we're more likely to feel worried, frustrated and act out - this applies equally to children and adults. Finally, you don't need to be the "perfect" parent, you just need to be a "good enough" parent. It's ok to become frustrated with yourself or your kids sometimes and, if you can show your children how to cope with frustration in an acceptable way, or make up with them if you haven't, this can actually be more valuable than being perfect all the time.

What can we do about this? As I said in my last blog, we can acknowledge the situation and our feelings but we can also recognise our choices. We haven't chosen to be affected by Covid-19, for schools to close or for the government to request that we stay at home but we are choosing to do so, probably because staying well and ensuring others stay well fits with our values. How does noticing that this is a choice change how you feel about staying at home?

Taking a different view or perspective can make a difference. Looking at the image for this blog what do you see? Now, look at it from different angles, what do you see? Noticing that there is another way to look at things can help you to choose where you'd like to direct your attention. This is not easy but will become easier with practice.

You might think some things are going to be really helpful, for example, joining Facebook groups that share ideas about activities to do with your children, and maybe some of them are, but what is your experience of them? If looking at these sorts of social media posts makes you feel overwhelmed or like a bad parent you could consider whether this is helpful for you. What are the things that make you feel like you're doing a good job as parent? Can you do more of these? Similarly, checking the news frequently might seem the best way to stay informed but how is it making you feel? Are you finding new information? Do you want to continue checking the news at the same frequency?